Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm at about main and main street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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