I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
