You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
so much tequila, so little girl.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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