two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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