I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
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I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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