the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
