pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
