I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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