i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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