Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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