she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise