I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dating After Heartbreak
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore