i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are