Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
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you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
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Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex