I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.