I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!