there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
