The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm just crazy horny about you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
