Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
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Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize