Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
