we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
