No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
