My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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