Little spoons don't ask big questions
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
