Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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