Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
