i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
