Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
