Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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