I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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