I got chris browned last night
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
