There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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