I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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