That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
