Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
