just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
