So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
