You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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