if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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