I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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