If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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