now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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