After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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