there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.