Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
