check it out our google latitudes are spooning
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Shame - the story of my life.
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