its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
