shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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