Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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