They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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