You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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