btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
