I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
