i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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