i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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