It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I can't turn off my feet"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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