honey bunches of taint.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
