Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
