We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
