Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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