I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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