so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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