I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
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Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
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