just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize