I got chris browned last night
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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