I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.