you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.