Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.

(859): View more from Kentucky

i did. i'm using it as a microphone.

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(703): maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking. (859): i did. i'm using it as a microphone. http://tfl.nu/mm1q

Replies (8) Good night (3159) Bad night (748)
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(516): View more from New York

Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I

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(516): Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I<3 NY. http://tfl.nu/f30c

Replies (54) Good night (5138) Bad night (603)
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(972): View more from Texas

i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.

(817): View more from Texas

Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.

(972): View more from Texas

ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.

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(972): i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating. (817): Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away. (972): ur like the dr phil of bizarro world. http://tfl.nu/uybr

Replies (66) Good night (5824) Bad night (1364)
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(850): View more from Florida

So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.

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(850): So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm. http://tfl.nu/5svr

Replies (17) Good night (2718) Bad night (4180)
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(847): View more from Illinois

he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?

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(847): he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel? http://tfl.nu/aqse

Replies (23) Good night (1302) Bad night (8914)
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(210): View more from Texas

Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.

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(210): Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16. http://tfl.nu/i5l7

Replies (20) Good night (1171) Bad night (4569)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.

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(484): judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog. http://tfl.nu/kq70

Replies (6) Good night (2246) Bad night (784)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.

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(860): Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms. http://tfl.nu/d3j8

Replies (13) Good night (2271) Bad night (1043)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina

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(225): Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina http://tfl.nu/plxw

Replies (4) Good night (2676) Bad night (1068)
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.

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(321): You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again. http://tfl.nu/b1s4

Replies (2) Good night (672) Bad night (1257)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian

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(901): He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian http://tfl.nu/6if3

Replies (2) Good night (2039) Bad night (559)
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(913): View more from Kansas

Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.

(1-913): View more from Kansas

Happy birthday, America.

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(913): Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there. (1-913): Happy birthday, America. http://tfl.nu/2w6l

Replies (3) Good night (759) Bad night (314)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.

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(978): If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win. (508): And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them. http://tfl.nu/dotb

Replies (5) Good night (615) Bad night (358)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.

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(920): I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad. http://tfl.nu/b7v4

Replies (5) Good night (626) Bad night (489)
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(775): View more from Nevada

He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this

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(775): He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this http://tfl.nu/dg9b

Replies (1) Good night (723) Bad night (579)

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