u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
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best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
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Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins