I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.