dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
