He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
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yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...