I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
