If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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