And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
party gras won. party gras always wins.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
