OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
