guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
