my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
