his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
